"As they continued on their journey [Jesus] entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.' The Lord said to her in reply, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her" (Luke 10:38-42).
Beginning a blog about my busy home life and I was reminded of a book, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, which reflects on that passage. Wow. Am I becoming too much of a Martha and not enough of a Mary?
Let me illustrate. About a month ago, we invited our neighbors over for a Saturday night dinner. They've been great neighbors and we wanted to thank them for being so welcoming in our first few weeks in our new house. Simple but extremely fresh meal, we promised. I made focaccia bread, threw together a simple tomato sauce, and had a bottle of Italian wine breathing. Then I took out the pasta maker. Since our previous experiments with it had turned out well, I figured I could entertain guests with fresh homemade pasta. I didn't use enough flour between rollings. As a result, it tore and clumped and made a general mess. Mark stepped in and tried to make sense of the chaos I had created. I'm sure our neighbors heard me yelling at my wonderful husband minutes before they knocked on the door. I should have realized that our neighbors are so Southern in their generous habits that I could have served them shoelaces covered in tomato sauce and they would have not only eaten it, but praised it. I should have realized that Mark was trying to help me rather than hinder me. I should have realized that in the end, the meal wasn't about the actual food as much as the fellowship. But I failed to hear God whispering in my heart, "Carrie, Carrie, you are anxious and worried about many things." I was certainly behaving like a Martha.
The more I've read this passage in recent years, the more I sympathize with Martha. In her two simple sentences, so much is going on behind her words. Especially if you're a woman, don't you hear what she isn't saying? "Lord, the first loaf of bread came out a little lop-side, so that had to be started again. And the linens had to be pressed three times before they were as crisp as you deserve. The lamb wasn't roasted right, the wine was only common wine, and don't even get me started on the cheese. That useless Mary doesn't even seem to notice that I have so much to do. Don't you all know that I could use some help? Why should I have to ask for it?" Martha is perhaps the precursor to Martha Stewart. Perfection expected of everyone and everything. Martha's problem is not so much what she is doing, but why she is doing it. By contrast, Mary recognizes the moment for what it really is. Martha not only is missing her chance but is begrudging her sister for not following in her lead and do all that "is essential".
Am I becoming more like Martha or like Mary? Ten years ago, I would have found that question laughable. Surely, my mother and my sister never thought I would be writing a blog about domesticity. I was definitely the youngest sister, letting everyone else pick up my slack for me. Unlike Mary, I wasn't nobly doing this to spend time with God. No, no. If you have a younger sibling you suspect that's not what they are doing. If you are a younger sibling, you know. Fast forward a few years. I was in ministry. Sitting quietly with the Lord wasn't just something I enjoyed, it was practically a job requirement. My life was a nice balance between being in action and service and having time for reflection and prayer.
So what happened? Well, I had a family. As the neediness of young children pushed aside my own wants, I've let it become my excuse for not always following my own needs. Finding quiet time with God has been replaced by other chores I believe ought to be done. I do believe that what I do for my family is important. And what I do can be expressions of service and love. But still I struggle to find the balance. To choose the better part, in each situation.
I need to continually question my attitudes: is what I do an act of love and grace or are my motives more selfish? Are they instead ones of self-seeking praise, of guilt, or pride? Do I begrudge others, especially those closest to me, their own better parts, nagging about what ought to be done? Do I recognize Christ calling me to silence or am I letting my mind be filled by the noise of my dailiness?
How do you keep your life in balance, between action and contemplation? Between serving and listening?
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